Tuesday, 19 February 2013

Losing Myself to Find Myself

As I sit down to write about loss, there is a huge resistance brewing up in the center of my chest. This is a topic that so many of us find painful. As I know so well now, the most effective way to get to the other side of something we don’t want to face is to actually go right through it.
I recall a time several years ago when I didn’t know if I could do this thing called “life” even one more day. Looking in the mirror felt like looking into the eyes of someone I didn’t even know.
I lost myself.
Every day, I would go through the motions, doing the same routine. I often wondered what all of this was even for. I listened to the opinions of everyone around me, telling me what was “right” and “wrong.” I actually believed most of them.
I felt that I had lost everything. The light within my heart had gone out. I was exhausted. Then I collapsed. The world was dark.
I recall lying in the back seat of a car with faint voices around me. The darkness would take over again. In and out of the darkness I went. It was as if a battle was taking place within me. Stay in this world or move on to what I had been secretly praying for. Then the one voice that meant the most to me was heard: my little boy in the front seat, watching his mommy die. The decision had been made.
In that moment, I knew that I was not the person who I told myself I was for so long. I was not unworthy of love. I knew that I was put on this planet for a reason. It was time to begin to truly live.
Since that time, I have been on a new path. It’s a path that invites me to go within, to the deepest realms of who I am. There’s a lot of excavation taking place. There are so many layers of false identities and misperceptions to plow through. It’s not “easy” stuff – that’s for sure. But it is authentic, and that’s what matters to me now.
I had to feel as if I had lost myself in order to discover who I really am. The person who I had lost was only a façade. The “real me” has always been there, just waiting for the veil to lift.
What I know for sure is that loss is an opportunity to spread our arms wide open and invite Love in. When there is Love, we cannot feel alone. Rather than running from the pain, we can feel it and allow it to open our heart even further.
We can reach out and connect with others who are also riding the waves of this life journey.
We can go within and connect with that place that resides in all of us that can never be taken away.

Sunday, 10 February 2013

Happy Being SINGLE..

If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change. ~ Buddha

The life that we are bestowed with is truly a miracle. This precise miracle gets overshadowed with the contradictions that we live with. Contradictions like, the young want to be older and the old want to be young again; the dark want to be fair and the fair want to darken; the short want to be tall and the tall ones have their own problems. And just the same way, the single want to mingle and the ones with partners want to break free. Isn't that complicated enough? Well, let's take a moment and say aloud - "I am single. I am single! I AM SINGLE". Yes. It is  Acceptance and it is the key to great decisions. It is, in fact, very empowering. Look at you. You live your life all by yourself because you are capable of being single and independent. If you still hate your relationship status, take another moment to remember all the things you have dealt with alone.

I am single. No, I really am single and everyday I push my limits to achieve something better alone because I can't afford to waste my time waiting for someone who may or may not show up just so I could have the cliché happy ending to my fairytale because Disney says so. No, that is not the end to my life or your life for that matter. Life is living it, not waiting for it to be over. And why on Earth would I ever want to cripple myself to the aid of a person who sees me as nothing more than a baby that needs to be constantly mothered? A person like that certainly has some serious parental issues of his own to deal with


As I sit alone
With the warm sun on my back
I realise something’s missing
A part of me which lacks.

Could it be the trees,
Reaching for the sky
Or could it be the children,
Walking home, who pass me by?
Perhaps, I miss the birds,
Chirping sweetly above my head?
All I feel is restlessness
A part of me is dead.
I know now what it is.
Now I realise what is wrong.
It’s the feeling, they call solitude,
All my friends are gone.
Of course I know,
That as we grow,
We have to make our way,
We all must plot a different course,
To go by everyday.
I always thought my friendships,
Would be round,
Just like the moon
But you see,
I am not ready,
For it all to end so soon.
I miss their happy laughter,
Floating on the wind.
I miss the many secrets,
That circulate within.
The only way to keep,
Our friendships woven tight,
Is to keep in contact always,
And then we’ll be alright!